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August 27th 2009

Aug. 27th, 2009 | 10:46 pm
mood: angry angry

 1.5 month working in orlando florida, no guesses where i'm working.

i'm so angry with myself.
all i do is work, sleep, eat, repeat.

i have no time to work out, i barely have time to think let alone anything else.
i'm trying hard to lose this weight, but i'm so hungry when i'm go on break that i eat the most unhealthy thing in the fucking cafateria.

GAH
i'm tyiping at 11pm and fucking eating 
mind u i did just get home.

grrr.
angry

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failure week

Apr. 15th, 2009 | 12:33 pm
mood: aggravated aggravated
music: tv

 This week fucking sucked.

i binged MAJORLY!!

god i really need to explain to my boyfriend that I'm on a diet, well i try to anyways.  He doesn't understand. Cause he loves me the way i am. and i really don't.

god damn it.

I'm shit at being strong and distracted.

sugar is my down fall.

I spent all night crying over the fact that i ate. bubblecup, sugar egg, churro w/ chocolate sauce, and 2x soup and a baked potatoe w/ cheese, sour cream, tomatoes and butter (throw up) Major binge day which makes me so fucking suicidal sometimes, i feel so discusted with myself.


So today starts my detox thingy

Breakfast: soup (under 100 cal)
snack: apple (under 100 cal)
lunch: soup( under 100 cal) and 1 slice of multigrain toast (negative cals)
snack; cottage cheese and tomatoe (under 100 cals)
dinner: soup (under 100 cal)

total = around 500 cals

this will be my eating plan for the next 4 weeks!! at least.

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i'm back!

Mar. 15th, 2009 | 07:59 pm

 yeah i've noticed its been quite a while since i was last on...
uni started back and i've been slightly more or less preoccupied by it..

i'm court in a rut with my weight loss stuck at 61-60kg though its something i'm annoyed still have at least 6 kg left to loose before i leave in 4 months.. shit 4 month till i go to america for 6 months. 

hmmz

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losing control.

Feb. 4th, 2009 | 09:43 pm
mood: blah blah

i figured today would be easier.
but it wasn't
my bf came over today and he eats EVERYTHING and stays a tiny stick (possiably thinner) and it kinda bugs me a bit.
i guess i did ok today though i didn't do any exersice so i feel like a lazy fuck.
i went to the city today to get a form filled in about this program i'm doing but the bitch was all i'll think about doing it in march.
and i was all. i kinda need it done today and she was like o i'll have a look at it..
GRR
i went all the was into uni for no reason pissed me off.

i managed not to give into temtation today no junk food, hardly no carbs (though i did have buckwheat noodle for dinner i only had like 50g)

breakfest: poriagde
lunch: sushi
snack: mango
dinner: buckwheat noodles w/ honeysoy chicken
snack: berry smoothie.
drink: bottle of water.

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blah blah

Feb. 2nd, 2009 | 08:14 pm
mood: blah blah
music: rob zombie

another failed day it seems...

um so i failed at lunch and ate a 190 cal bun thing :(
i had 3/4 of a mango 150cals..
breakfest.. 75
dinner.. 180cal

600 cal in total..
:(

lets see went to gym 45 mins
40min walk
5 hours work.

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Create desire

Feb. 1st, 2009 | 07:28 pm
mood: blah blah
music: Angelspit - create desire

Bitter spells bed of bitches (in a ring)
Beauty covers hate HEY HEY!
Poison weaved by spiteful tongues (in a rage)
Venom Coagulates

Vanity Addict, I know you want it
Swelling under hide
Hollow corpse, perfume constricted
Cover the stench inside

They only love you 'cause you make them pretty
Beautiful victims of your devil candy

Make up is the mask you wear (lay it on, slather up)
When the façade breaks HEY HEY!
Candy shell is deadly sweet (cold meat)
Bitter after taste

Visceral monster, subdermal horror
Serpent under skin
Use a pen or use a hammer
Garrotte the saint within

Motives malformed spat out premature
Disorder spitting back
I keep all the knives you gave lovingly
Implanted in my back

Shiny wrapping, empty box
Life of mediocrity
Milk the kitty antidote
Months of misery

Chaos Inject (TEAR IT OUT)
Massive Defect (RIP APART)
Plastic Messiah (TEAR IT OUT)
Create Desire (EAT THE HEART)


Yeh angelspit
Australian! yeh thats right!

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argh

Feb. 1st, 2009 | 07:17 pm
mood: blah blah
music: Angelspit - create desire

so me and control = ZILCH

yeh so i suck at this -_-

today breakfest

2 egg whites 1/2 roasted tomatoe, 2 grates of cheese = 90 cal

lunch

100g greek salad w/ low fat feta= 95 cal
smoothy proably = 150cal

snack
icing on coffee scroll (needed sugar) = 50cal
1/2 mango = 50cal

dinner
salad = 50 cal

so wats that umm..
=485... plus diet coke, dressing = 495cal.
yeh i think i stayed under 500cals JUST if i did.
so ok day i guess

i also went on a 1 hour walk so i burnt off 600cal : )
and worked for 5 hours cleaning i hate cleaning, i mean i work at a bakery but the majority of the time i'm just cleaning moving racks around, bending lifting, walking in circles cause i work in a 4m x 6m room.

but i still feel like i've eaten too much today : (
i so despreatly want to be 60kg for my birthday on thursday.. but an't no way thats going to happen
i'm still stuck at 64kg...

i'll just try harder!

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Feb. 1st, 2009 | 05:39 am

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Sigh...

Jan. 30th, 2009 | 07:35 pm
mood: depressed depressed
music: Placebo

You are one of God's mistakes,
You crying, tragic waste of skin,
I'm well aware of how it aches ,
And you still won't let me in.
Now I'm breaking down your door,
To try and save your swollen face ,
Though I don't like you anymore,
You lying, trying waste of space..

Before our innocence was lost,
You were always one of those ,
Blessed with lucky sevens ,
And the voice that made me cry .
My Oh My.

You were mother nature's son ,
Someone to whom I could relate ,
Your needle and your damage done,
Remains a sordid twist of fate.
Now I'm trying to wake you up ,
To pull you from the liquid sky ,
Coz if I don't we'll both end up ,
With just your song to say goodbye.
My Oh My.

A song to say goodbye,
A song to say goodbye ,
A song to say...

Before our innocence was lost,
You were always one of those,
Blessed with lucky sevens,
And the voice that made me cry.

It's a song to say goodbye.

You are one of God's mistakes,
You crying, tragic waste of skin,
I'm well aware of how it aches ,
And you still won't let me in.
Now I'm breaking down your door,
To try and save your swollen face ,
Though I don't like you anymore,
You lying, trying waste of space..

Before our innocence was lost,
You were always one of those ,
Blessed with lucky sevens ,
And the voice that made me cry .
My Oh My.

You were mother nature's son ,
Someone to whom I could relate ,
Your needle and your damage done,
Remains a sordid twist of fate.
Now I'm trying to wake you up ,
To pull you from the liquid sky ,
Coz if I don't we'll both end up ,
With just your song to say goodbye.
My Oh My.

A song to say goodbye,
A song to say goodbye ,
A song to say...

Before our innocence was lost,
You were always one of those,
Blessed with lucky sevens,
And the voice that made me cry.

It's a song to say goodbye.

Placebo for those whom don't know

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oks my stats for this week 25th jan.

Jan. 25th, 2009 | 10:58 pm
mood: blah blah
music: the 69 eyes - sleeping with lion

height-155cm      5'2"
weight-64.95kg    149.2 pounds :'(
waist- 82cm        32.5 inches
hips- 99cm          39 inches
thigh- 55cm         21.5 inches
arm-29cm            11.5 inches
BMI - 25

so yeh all up pretty gross huh?
i feel like a failure
gah.
someone stab me fast.

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